Sometimes I Wish....

Sometimes I wish a lot of things. I wish for more time, money, things, ect. Though I don't regret my life I do wish that I had figured out sooner in life what I really wanted to do. I always knew I wanted to be a mommy but I always knew I wanted to be more too. I just didn't know what I wanted that more to be. Now don't get me wrong being a mom is the greatest thing in the world. I take my hat off to all you SAHMs out there. I was a SAHM for a little bit but I was in a bad marriage and that just doesn't make the staying home thing a very pleasant expirence. My problem with being a SAHM is what happens after the children are grown and gone? That thought scared me because for me I didn't know. The thought of me having an empty house with no one to take care of except for the man of the house, no job experience, no schooling, nothing, just terrified me. I don't really enjoy working full time either. I love being able to spend time with my boys but I do like to work part time.

I have recently figured out what I want to do with my life. I accidently fell into a CNA position. I took a job working at a group home for mentally disabled adults to get out of fast food. There I met a lady who told me about a home health care company I might like so I tried that out. I loved taking care of people, I want to be a nurse. I had finally found my calling. The only problem was at that point I had 3 children and a 4th on the way and no way to pay for the college classes. So I looked into maybe having the company I was working for help but nope, they don't. So I scrapped up the money to take the classes that I needed to work at a hospital knowing that they would help with college. I now work for a hospital that will pay for 100% of my college classes as long I sign an agreement to work for them for so long for each semister but only after 2 years of employment. So I'm on the road headed to where I want to go and where I want to be but it just seems like it's taking forever and I can't help but wonder if only I had figured out how much I love nursing back in high school I would have already been a nurse now for a few years.

Like I said I don't regret making the choices I did because I have 5 beautiful wonderful boys that I wouldn't dream of trading for a career I just with that maybe I had could have figured things out a little sooner in life but still ended up with the same kids. I know I shouldn't play the what if games but it's so easy to do. It's so hard to ignore those voices everyday when I do to work and wish that I could do more than just assist the nurses. Eventually I will get there but for the time being I just have to be thankful for what I've got.

Tuesday's Tunes

I love this song for it's powerful lyrics. I think that it carries a heavy and and all to true message that life is way to short.


"If I Die Young" by The Band Perry



If I die young, bury me in satin,
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song


uh oh, uh oh


Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe when she stands under my colors,
Oh and, life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had, just enough time.

If I die young, bury me in satin,
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn,
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time,

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom,
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger, and I've
Never know the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, There's a
Boy here in town says he'll love me forvever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by,
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time,

So put on you best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughs, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar,
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner,
and maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny when your dead how people start listening.

If I die young, bury me in satin,
Lay me down on a, bed of roses,
sink me in the river, at dawn,
Send me away with the words of a love song

uh oh (uh, oh)

The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love,
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time.

So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls.

Check out the video

FMBT

This week I'm linking up with Follow Me Back Tuesday host by Review Retreat, Boobies, Babies, and a Blog, Little Yaya's, and Survey Junkie.
You can link up too. Just hop over to any one of there blogs and follow their directions. They make it super easy.

Monday Funday

That's right it's Monday again and here is another joke to ease those Monday blues.

A doctor told a man that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell. I'll try it."
He spent all day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office, the restroom was to open and an alley was too unsafe. Finally he realized his solution.
On his way home he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police, What in the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

Getting to Know You

Today I'm linking up with MannLand5



The Q's..

1. Thong or Granny Panties?
Used to be Thongs then I had kids. Now I wear bikini cut.

2. If you see a guy with his fly down, do you tell him?
Yep I sure do, and depending on the situation and the guy I might tell him with a smile. :)

3. Spanx or no Spanx?
Would love the slim down

4. Do you sleep in your sheets?
Sometimes. If I'm hot I use just my sheet, but if I'm cold I ususlly kick off the sheet and just use the comforter.

5. What is your favorite Disney character?
Stitch

6. Dream vacation spot?
Anywhere with white sand, clear water, palm trees, sunshine, and warm temps.

7. What is your dream job?
Labor and Delievery Nurse

8. Who is your hero and why?
This is going to sound cliche but it's my mom. Was abused as a child in everyway possible, raised me and my brother by herself put herself through college, beat 2 kinds of cancer. She is an amazing person and is always ther when I need/want her.

I Just Don't Know

I'm not sure how I managed to do this, but somehow I managed to follow my self. I was trying to change my picutre and I ended up follow my self with my old picture. I'm very new to this world here and I'm learning as I go but I seriously don't understand how this one happened. My new picture is now there but when I look at my followers there is my old picture. I don't have 2 accounts and if I don't I don't know any of the information for it. When I click on my picture it brings me to all my information for this blog with my new picutre yet the old picture remains. I guess it doesn't really bother me all that much other than I just don't understand it. Oh well.

Fawk You Friday

I'm linking up with Jana from boobies babies and a blog
this week for Fawk you Friday. I've had a rough week so here it is.

Fawk you to my man's job where is continues to get dumped on.

Fawk you to the "friend" who I called to vent to a little who then turned around and said she didn't want to deal with my problems.

Fawk you to the ex who thinks he is doing his fatherly duty by paying 40 dollars a month in child support and picking his kids up 1 day a month.

Fawk you to the viruses that I seem to get constantly on my computer.

Fawk you to ear infection which my 2 month old has.

Fawk you to tonsilist which my 2 year old has.

Fawk you to sinus infection which my 3 year old has.

Fawk you to the endless pile of bills that just keep coming and coming.

I'm Very Sorry

Hey I just wanted to drop a quick, I'm very sorry. I have been neglecting my blog lately. It's been very busy around here and I've been spending a lot of my free time trying to get my blog just right and learn my way around and how to do different things. I'm kind of a perfectionist and I promise you as soon as I get everything just right I will pay more attention to my people. Thanks for hanging in there in the mean time.

luv ya
me : )

Tuesday's Tunes

I love music. I listen to all kinds of music. Not just for the sound but I like to listen to the words and read into the song. I try to figure out what the message in the song is. So on Tuesdays I'm going to introduce you guys to a song that I like.

Here is your first edition of Tuesday's Tunes. I choose this week's song because I think most of us can relate. I know I know a couple of people who cross my mind whenever this song comes on.

This week is "I pray for you" by Jaron and the long road to love.

I haven't been to church since I don't remember when,
Things were going great till they fell apart again.
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do,
He said you can't go hatin' others who have done wrong to you.
Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn,
Let the good lord do his job, and you just pray for them.

I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from the window sill
And knocks you in the head like I'd like to.
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all you dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you

I'm really glad that I found my way to church
Cause I'm already feelin' better and I thank God for the words
Yeah, I'm gonna take the high road and do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin' up, and I'll keep prayin' for you

I pray your tire goes out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend
And wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
and knocks you in the head like I'd like to
I pray you birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when you engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far
In your house or in your car
Wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
I pray for you

Check out the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA

Monday Funday

Here's a joke to bring a smile to your face and ease those monday blues.

A lawyer and a redneck are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that rednecks are so dumb that he could get one over one them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the redneck if he would liek to play a fun game.

The redneck is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, "This game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. You ask me one and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the redneck's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The redneck doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the redneck's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the airphone, he searchess the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After an hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the redneck and hands him $500. The redneck pockets the $500 dollars and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes up the redneck and asks, "Well, what does go up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The redneck reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

2 of the Scariest Moments of My Life

Yesterday my little bitty tiny town had what they call Granger Daze. It's basically a mini carnival type thing that I don't know if you can really classify it as a carnival. There are a few vendors that sell some food, there's a snow cone stand, and few inflatable rides, and clown show, pony rides. It's very small as the population in my town is around 600 and it's put on by locals. We just moved to this town a year and a half ago and we have loved it ever since. It's a great place so we decide to take the boys. I have been planning this for 2 weeks and everyone was looking very forward to it. We couldn't have pick a better day to go to an outside event. The actual temperature was 99 degrees, the humidity 75% with a heat index of 120 degrees, it was beautiful. (Insert sarcasm here)

The festivities started out at 6:30am with a pancake breakfast and a 5k run. HA HA, you're crazy if you think I participated in that. We decided to start out the day with the parade at 10. It was hotter than Hades. I was standing in the shade not moving and sweating my butt off. I don't even know for sure that I was sweating it may have just been condensation building up on my skin from the humidity. Anyway the boys had fun and got a ton of candy.

After that we walked up to were the inflatable rides were, got their wristbands for unlimited rides, (more like turns I would call in, I don't understand how you can "ride" an inflatable slide but you get the point). And they played. After about 45 minutes and 6 pounds of sweat later there was a clown show up the street in the shade so I made them take a break and go watch the clown show. Still hot but better. We had snow cones, got their face painted, rode the ponies, played a little more then decided to go back home and cool off and rest for a little while.

We got home and I made the boys lay down and watch a movie. They fell asleep. While they were sleeping I got a phone call that my mom's dog was scared and wouldn't come out from underneath the table and wanted to know if I could come out. My mom and the rest of my family went on vacation to Mount Rushmore. So I go to load up the boys and get ready to go and I walk in the room and say their names. 2 of the 3 pop up their little heads like they normally do. P3 (my 3 year old) didn't move. So I walk over to him put my hand on his shoulder and gently shake him and say his name again. Nothing. A little concerned now I shake him just a little harder and say his name a little louder. Nothing. At this point my heart has dropped into my stomach and I start shaking. Since I'm a medical worker I've taken a ton of CPR classes. So I grab a hold of him, shake him, and scream his name just like they teach you to do in CPR. Finally after a violent shaking and screaming his name his eyes open. I have never been so relieved to have one of my kids wake up from a nap before in my life. Scary moment #1

Everything else goes off without a hitch. My mom's dog was just scared that she had been abandoned and was much better after my trip out there. We are cooled off and feed so we go back up to the "rides".

While we are up there the kids are playing. They have the wristbands so they are free to go on the "rides" as they wish and we live in such a small town that you can give your kids a little freedom. My inter city instincts are still there a bit so I spend my time locating my kids constantly. I look for one, then the other, then the other, round and round until we are back home.

I had just located P6 (my 6 year old) going into the obstacle coarse so I move on and locate the others. I found all the rest of my kids so I start looking for P6 again. I don't see him. So I run through the rest to see if maybe he teamed up with one his brothers. Nope he's not with them. I do another quick scan locate the other's again, still don't see him so I start to get a little scared. I walk over to the last area I had seen him in and looked into the front of the obstacle coarse. Couldn't see him. I holler at my man and ask him if he can see him. He says he just seen him a few minutes ago but he doesn't now. My man walks over to where we last seen him (which was the same place I last seen him) and hollers. Nothing. Naturally I start getting scared again. I start walking in between the inflatables holler for him. After holler twice, I see P6's best friend stick his head out of the back of the obstacle coarse then a second later out pops P6's head. I guess there was an area in the back of the obstacle coarse that they made their club house and they were hanging out in there. Scary moment #2

I think it's safe to say that I'm going to be gray at a very early age and that's if I'm lucky enough to keep my hair. These kids are going to be the death of me. Gotta love them.

I hate lairs

I hate lairs. I just can't stand them. If you don't have the balls to stand up and say what you are/were doing then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. If you feel the need to cover up what you've done then you shouldn't have done it. Do you not have a conscience? Do you have no morals? Do you honestly think that you are going to get away with it? I'm not just talking about cheating I'm talking about lying in general. Lying through omission, bending the truth, leaving out important details, I can't stand any of it.

The thing that bothers me the most about lying is that the person who is lying believes that you are actually going to believe them. They are either full of themselves and believes that no one will question what they are saying or they believe that you are really stupid enough to believe them. Either way it's insulting and just makes me sick.

No I'm not perfect. Yes I have lied before but because I hate lying SO much I'm not good at it. I don't like doing it and when I have done it I've either been caught or felt so guilty I came clean so I just don't do it. Plus I don't have the best memory and in order to lie you have to have a good memory so you can remember your lie. If you just tell the truth you don't have to remember what you said you just have to remember what happened.

I also can't stand when you catch someone in a lie and they continue to lie to you. REALLY, what the hell. At that point the person is pretty much calling you stupid. You know they are lying, you tell them you know they are lying, you tell them how you know they are lying, and yet the continue to lie. Then if and when they finally come clean you get the excuse. "Well if you would just back off a little I wouldn't have to lie." Ok so now not only are you arrogant and basically calling me stupid, now you are blaming ME because YOU lied?????

Well listen up all you liars out there. Take you sob story to your mama, get your head out of your ass so that your balls can drop (I mean that for men and women alike), stand up and act like a grown-up and just tell the damn truth. If my 6 year old has the balls to tell me when he has done something wrong without lying, there is no excuse for a grown person. GROW UP!!!

Monday Funday

Here a joke for you to bring a smile to your face and ease those Monday blues.

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw hell mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.

WHACK!!!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

Just Another Day in Paradise

So last night my oldest 3 boys went to stay the night with my mom. My man got home from work at 6. I thought how nice. I only have the 2 babies, that should make for an easy fairly quiet night. I'm thinking a nice dinner that we made together, a quick clean up, then cuddling in front of the TV watching a movie and eating popcorn. In my head this worked out so nicely. In my head it was a calm, quiet, relaxing, romantic, and smooth night.

Well my head doesn't know squat. I had drifted in my happy place but was quickly snapped back to reality. In my happy place a screaming, hungry, and on the verge of getting sick 2 month old was not factored in nor was a bored, hyper, and curious 2 year old.

We had agreed that my man would grill up some pork steaks and I would make the sides. Well I just started the potatoes when the baby started screaming. I look at the clock, CRAP. Time to stop and feed. I breastfeed him so it's not just quick fix a bottle and be on my way. Nope, I have to stop and sit down and am completely useless for roughly 20 minutes. The man is outside cooking the meat the potatoes are started but unfinished and I'm sitting on the couch with a baby attached to my boob. Awesome.

While I'm sitting there feeding the baby, K2 decides that he is really bored. His older brothers are gone and there is no one to run after, keep up with, or help keep him entertained. So one would think that he would go into his room, grab one of the 50 million toys that light up and makes extremely loud and obnoxious noises and play with that right? WRONG. No he found it much more entertaining to take every single DVD we own off the shelf and throw them all over the place. So I'm sitting on the couch with one kid attached to me, one kid making a mess while I'm hollering no at him, the potatoes are half done, and the man is outside cooking the meat. Great start to my calm night right?

The man comes walking in with the meat cooked up and ready for eating and realizes what has been going on inside. He gets the rest of dinner going and starts picking up the DVDs. I finish feeding the baby and start making K2's plate, get him sat down at the table and start making my own. Pretty much as soon as I sit down to eat K2 is done eating. I grab a wet washcloth clean him up, get him down and sit down to eat dinner with my man.

While we were eating K2 is running around like a crazy man. I mean he was literally running in circles around the living room and would stop just long enough to laugh and then start running again. The kool aid in his sippy cup must have been extra good last night because he was acting 3 kinds of crazy.

We finished our dinner and the man bathed K2 while I cleaned up the kitchen. Anyone who has ever bathed a 2 year old knows that's no easy matter and mine is no exception. To top it of he HATES having his hair washed. Well sorry kiddo, when you stick butter and potatoes in your hair it has to be washed. So I'm washing dishes to the sweet music of a screaming 2 year old.

Bath done, dishes done, K2 in bed, now on to cuddling and a movie. NOT! K0 is fighting some nasty sinus crud, having a hard time breathing, and just plum doesn't feel good. Who can blame him for being crabby. Lord knows when I feel like that I'm crabby. So to help his poor little nose I give him a bath and let him soak in the warm water. The bath did help at least while he was in the tub. I rub some baby vicks vapor rub on him and work on getting him to sleep. At this point the man and I are talking a quicky and bed.

Finally after a little over an hour K0 is asleep.

My man looks at me and says, "I'm exhausted." I agreed so am I. I guess we'll save the movie, the cuddling, the popcorn, and the quicky all for another night.

Welcome to my World

Hello there and welcome to my world. I often hear strange voices that whisper crazy things into my ears, and get sudden impulses to do things that just aren't right. I live in a happy land where the people know me well, the grass in pink and the sky is green. I often refer to it as crazy land. Come join me in my journey through this happy land that I use as my retreat to safety from the insanity of my "real life".

I'm a mom of 5 beautiful boys. I know, I've heard it all. "Are you crazy??" Why yes, yes I am. "Are you done??" Well I'm done with a lot of things. "Wowwee, you have yourself a basketball team." Thank you for that reminder, for a minute there I almost forgot how many kids I have. "Are you doing to keep trying for that girl?" Are YOU crazy?? There isn't a line that I haven't heard and in the beginning I found it to be very annoying, but now I think its hilarious. I've come up with some cleaver ways to answer those never ending same ol', same ol' questions. I figure that if everyone else can't keep the conversation interesting that leaves it up to me.

My oldest son, (We'll call him P6), is 6. He is super smart. Too smart for his own stinking good sometimes. For example he came up to me and said, "Mama, did you know there are 2 kinds of hot?" I was curious as to what he meant and replied, "Oh yeah?" He says, "YUP, there is the kind that makes you sweat, and then there's hot girls." OH MY.....I'm SO not ready for this. He has a memory like you wouldn't believe. He remembers things from when he was 3. Blows my mind, I barely remember what happened yesterday, let alone something from when I was 3. He is very sweet, and loving, and is always trying to help. He loves being the big brother and he is good at it.

My second son, (We'll call him P5), is 5. He is your typical boy. He loves cars, dirt, rough housing, slimy reptiles. He can be a bit a bully from time to time. He is super funny and tries his best to make you laugh. He is wise beyond his years to. He came to me last week and said "Mama, I don't want to grow up. I want to stay a kid forever. I guess you better go make me some coffee." My man is a religious coffee drinker and tells the boys all the time that if they drink coffee they won't grow, you know that old wives tale. He is one of a kind. Once you meet him you will never forget him and there is no way to describe him other than he is just him.

My third son, (We'll call him P3), is 3. He tends to be a bit of what I call a drama king. He is very emotional and dramatic. If one of the other boys looks at him in a way he doesn't like he gets all upset. We are working on potty training with him which has been a roller coaster ride. We had him in underwear for 4 days with no accidents during the day. Then he woke up one morning and decided he didn't like that anymore so we ended up back in pull ups. I know so many people have told me, go straight to underwear and they will pick it up faster. To them I simply reply, that's great advice now if I only had some like you to come to my house and do the 20 loads of laundry caused from him being in underwear I think I would. It's not just the underwear and the shorts that he wears, it's the bed sheet he is sitting on, the floor that he is standing on, or the couch where he was sitting. I have 5 kids and cleaning up an accident every 15 minutes just isn't practical

My fourth son, (We'll call him K2), will be 2 next month. He is into EVERYTHING. I seriously think I just should have saved myself the trouble of having to reteach him his name and just named him NO. He thinks it's pretty funny stuff to play with everything that he is not suppose to. You would think that the kid didn't have 50 million toys but he does yet you almost never catch him playing with one of those toys. It's much more fun to play with the vacuum, broom, dust pan, cell phones, DVDs, shoes, or hangers.

My youngest son, (We'll call K0) is 2 months old. He is a very sweet baby. He usually sleeps for 6 to 8 hours out of the night. I know, how lucky am I? He is starting to smile when you talk to him and trying to coo, which is my favorite. I love when he looks at you with his bright blue eyes and his mouth is wide open but nothing is coming out. It make me laugh every time.

I also have a man in my life too. He is the father of my 2 youngest children. My oldest 3 are by my ex husband which is a story in itself that I will save for another time. My man and I have had our ups and downs. He is far from perfect and some days barely tolerable. We've struggled in our relationship. Some times I think that he will never grow up and come around. Most the time he tries. He has lead a rough life up to the point he met me. For the most part he has cleaned his act up but occasionally struggles with those inter demons. Overall he's a good guy. Better than some, but I love him and you can't help who you love.

On top of raising 5 boys and a significant other, I work part time at a hospital on the labor and delivery floor. I absolutely love my job. You wouldn't think that to many wild and crazy things would happen on a labor and delivery floor but you would be surprised. When I took this job I thought, oh this floor should be pretty calm. I mean really women come in, have a baby, and leave, right? Ha ha ha ha. I've seen a fight break out because a mom was in labor with her husbands baby but didn't want her husband there, she wanted her boyfriend there instead. The husband went crazy and ended up beating up the boyfriends truck with his bare hands. Smart, he ended up in the ER for stitches. I've seen a dad pass out and hit his head on the window seal while his wife was pushing. Talk about complicating matters. Here's a tip to all you expecting mom's out there. Cussing your nurse out will just make your labor longer and more painful. If you piss of your nurse then ask for pain meds, believe me your pain meds are NOT on the top of the list. Your nurse is your friend, be nice to them.

Well that's a little about me. Feel free to ask me questions. I would love to share more with you.