Sometimes I Wish....

Sometimes I wish a lot of things. I wish for more time, money, things, ect. Though I don't regret my life I do wish that I had figured out sooner in life what I really wanted to do. I always knew I wanted to be a mommy but I always knew I wanted to be more too. I just didn't know what I wanted that more to be. Now don't get me wrong being a mom is the greatest thing in the world. I take my hat off to all you SAHMs out there. I was a SAHM for a little bit but I was in a bad marriage and that just doesn't make the staying home thing a very pleasant expirence. My problem with being a SAHM is what happens after the children are grown and gone? That thought scared me because for me I didn't know. The thought of me having an empty house with no one to take care of except for the man of the house, no job experience, no schooling, nothing, just terrified me. I don't really enjoy working full time either. I love being able to spend time with my boys but I do like to work part time.

I have recently figured out what I want to do with my life. I accidently fell into a CNA position. I took a job working at a group home for mentally disabled adults to get out of fast food. There I met a lady who told me about a home health care company I might like so I tried that out. I loved taking care of people, I want to be a nurse. I had finally found my calling. The only problem was at that point I had 3 children and a 4th on the way and no way to pay for the college classes. So I looked into maybe having the company I was working for help but nope, they don't. So I scrapped up the money to take the classes that I needed to work at a hospital knowing that they would help with college. I now work for a hospital that will pay for 100% of my college classes as long I sign an agreement to work for them for so long for each semister but only after 2 years of employment. So I'm on the road headed to where I want to go and where I want to be but it just seems like it's taking forever and I can't help but wonder if only I had figured out how much I love nursing back in high school I would have already been a nurse now for a few years.

Like I said I don't regret making the choices I did because I have 5 beautiful wonderful boys that I wouldn't dream of trading for a career I just with that maybe I had could have figured things out a little sooner in life but still ended up with the same kids. I know I shouldn't play the what if games but it's so easy to do. It's so hard to ignore those voices everyday when I do to work and wish that I could do more than just assist the nurses. Eventually I will get there but for the time being I just have to be thankful for what I've got.